Have A Little Faith In Me

What is important to you? What do you cherish the most? You better figure it out now…among the sea of coach purses and designer clothing and fast cars. The imaginary money that brain washes you into thinking you are happy.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Not that I exactly have the time to think, but I believe that it’s time for me to step back and realize the mistakes I have made. It is time for me to grow up and realize that the big picture INCLUDES me, it is NOT me. I’m ok with that. I need to realize that trying to fix what I did in the past is only causing me to make the same mistakes. It’s time to let go of old memories and smile upon them with a warm heart. It’s time to realize that missed opportunities are missed and that I can’t grab them anymore, no matter how much I try. I need to chase after new dreams. I need to hold on to the love that I have found within the love of my life. I need to embrace the friendship among friends and realize that some things don’t last forever. I need to renew my faith within God and quit blaming Him for what goes wrong in my life.

Justin is important to me. End of story. I just need him to have a little faith in me…one more time. To realize that I lost my light. I need him to stand next to me, while I let my tears dissolve the bond that I have to my past. I need him to help me let go. One just needs to stand at the edge of lake while a cool breeze fills your veins. It’s like breathing new life into your soul.

High school was fun while it lasted. I wouldn’t go back for anything. It was not the best four years of my life. It was good though. Friends come and go, and I’m ok with that. I’m ok with finding new friends that I feel more connected with than old friends who give the occasional text or head nod. Maybe one day you will realize that we don’t have anything in common anymore, and that keeping a friendship afloat that is meant to sink and become a beautiful, aging part of history, is just more work than it’s worth. You were in my life for a reason, and if you were truly meant to be there for eternity, then you would be. I need to keep close friends close and let others go.

Life is short and I need to live it with the best intentions and to the fullest. I want to look back and know that I spent my precious life, my precious time with people that care about me, and people that I care about. I don’t want to look back and say, well I tried but this kept happening. I don’t want to look back and say that I was mad for this reason and that. I want to look back and see that I went to Six Flags, and the beach, and Magic Waters, and hung out with good friends, and gave Justin all the love in my heart. Things change as life change and I now accept that. I will always have my memories to look back on, like an unfinished book in which new chapters will always be added. So, I am on a road to personal recovery.

I need to find new ways to be happy. I need to prioritize and realize that life isn’t high school. It’s not about the same friends. It’s not about the same life. It’s not about the same reckless behavior. It’s about growing and expanding and doing new things. I want to parachute and hold on to a kite while being dragged around by a boat. I am going to laugh more with Justin. I am going to exercise more because of my health, and if I have a kick ass body then so be it. I am going to rebuild my confidence. I am going to pay off my debt. I am going to be what I should have been all along.

I ask those that truly care about me….have a little faith in me.

Love Always,

Heather

P.S. I know who I am letting go peacefully. Like letting ashes go with the wind across a vast ocean, I will quietly let old friends go. I base my decisions on how important I feel the friendship was to the both of us in the past few months. If there was no effort to talk to me but once in a blue moon, then maybe it’s time we part. I’m not offended that you don’t want to chat, I’m not offended that you don’t want to hang out. Just don’t preach to me about our friendship when you can hang out and chat with other friends all the time. I’m an adult and I can face the truth. This is my path in life…and I get to choose who I walk on it with.

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.  It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”  ~W. Somerset Maugham

So beautiful...like life.

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~ by huskiepawz07 on February 10, 2009.