Insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Over the last few months I feel like I have lost my inspiration to write. I don’t feel as if I have writer’s block, but something far more serious. I miss the love and vigor I had for life. A series of bad relationships and hardships have knocked me down.  I do the same things everyday. Go to school, do homework, work for my dad, see the same things, do the same things, and eat the same things. It is literally insanity.

So, I am making a promise to myself to do things differently no matter how difficult it may be to change. How will I ever get different results when I do not make the effort to change what keeps me stuck? This blog has to be the first step…nothing else feels right.  Writing has always been my life.

I miss the raging storms of late spring and early summer. I miss the thunder that shakes the apartment and the lightning that cracks in the tension of the atmosphere. I miss laying in the heat of the summer and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin.  I feel like I missed a whole part of life when I missed out on summer this year. I didn’t live life as fully as I should have but now I must find my happiness in the blinding white snow that glitters in the evening light. I must find my happiness underneath the bundle of winter coats, hats, scarves, and gloves.  At three the sun starts to move across the sky as it prepares to disappear in the horizon.  Then, every minute, the light starts to look more and more like amber. Although clear skies means bitter cold, there is nothing better than looking up at a clear sky and finding the stars like crystal embellishments.  There is nothing better than realizing the vastness of our galaxy and how small it is in a universe so infinite. 

Nothing is more peaceful than the winter months here. Everything is so silent and the crunching of the snow underneath one’s footsteps can take you back to being a kid playing around in the snow.  Being a kid was always simpler, but I wouldn’t give up this part of my life for anything. I will find my happiness and the pieces of myself I lost.  I may have lost them over the summer, and they may be buried in snow, but I will find them.

Heather

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show. ~Andrew Wyeth

Heather

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~ by huskiepawz07 on December 19, 2010.